2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 24

December 24, 2020:

1970 Topps #365 Zoilo Versalles

With a new year just around the corner, maybe we all have a thing or two we could learn from Zoilo here.  He looks a bit unsure, and definitely has his guard up.  Try to hover somewhere between healthily skeptical and cautiously optimistic.  We do not know what the future has in store for us, but all of us who have made it this far have proven that we can handle anything.

My advice: Give yourself one thing per day to look forward to.  

Just keep plugging along, you are doing a great job.

I would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and happiness in whatever holiday you choose to celebrate.  I also want to give a special thanks to @porterman20 for retweeting darn near every post this Card-vent, and to Fuji, who left a comment on darn near every Card-vent post.  It really means a lot to me.

Keep your eyes on this space.  The plan is to keep going strong through the end of December with a new feature called "Pre-Opened Packs," and once the calendar changes you'll get to see the top pulls of the year.  Maybe one of them won't be a wrestling card.

Merry Christmas!

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 23

December 23, 2020:

1995 Flair Marvel Annual #35 Legacy Virus

The X-Men constitute a significant blind spot in my comic book knowledge, but I do know this: Donald Trump's legacy will always and forever be his phantasmagorically inept handling of the Coronavirus pandemic.  History will inevitably bind his name to this 21st-century plague, and it will eventually carry his name, his brand.  It became apparent on November 8, 2016 that he wanted no part of the job of President, he just wanted to win a contest.  A contest that was on television.  And because of this, untold thousands of more deaths occurred, and will continue to occur, in this country.

 

History will reveal.

 

SNIKT!

 

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 22

December 22, 2020:

2008-09 Topps #166 John Stockton 1958-59 Variation

The 2020-21 basketball season is upon us, guys.  Games started tonight.  Nets beat the Warriors, and it looks like the Clippers are going to come out on top against the Lakers.  Whatever.

 

Just LOOK AT HIM on this card.  Awesome warm-up, classic logo, and just a hint of the sexy chest peeking out.  That's what basketball is all about: Showing off parts of our bodies that we are uncomfortable with.   As for me, I always rocked it Georgetown-style, T-shirt under the jersey.  We Corpus Christi Cougars were never far from the middle of the pack, but we looked good doing it.  Covering up is what makes an unself-conscious, though less-successful basketball team.

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 21

December 21, 2020:

1992 CMA Country Gold #34 Willie Nelson

I get the feeling that we're all collectively afraid to exhale before making it to the end of 2020 and crossing a few days of 2021 off the calendar.  The popular conceit at the moment is that next year couldn't possibly be worse than this one, but could it be that some of us are headed toward the new year with too much confidence?  I mean, last night I watched a commercial during a WWE show that had wrestlers beating up a cartoon, anthropomorphized 2020.  Might it be somewhat haughty to depict Roman Reigns Superman punching, Seth Rollins curb stomping, and Nia Jax body slamming an oozing, fart-stinking 2020 onto a garbage can?  It feels like we might be tempting the gods of 2021 for behaving in such a fashion.

What I propose is this.  Let us not overplay our hand.  Let's get a couple of weeks into 2021, and if no national tragedies (aside from the ongoing one) occur, then we can breath our sigh of relief.  I'm calling it the Willie Nelson Doctrine.  If you groggily wake up on January first to the news that Willie Nelson has passed away unexpectedly in the wee hours, we're all fucked.  However, every day that Willie makes it gives us a three percent rise in the probability that the upcoming year will be a vast improvement.  This gives us about three months to gauge our status as a human race.  You may have a really bad day in late April, things may feel like they're crashing down around you, but you can take comfort in the fact that Willie Nelson is alive and kicking.  Let Willie be the barometer of our species.  To paraphrase Ernest Hemingway, "A world with Willie Nelson is a fine place, and worth fighting for."

 

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 20

December 20, 2020:

1993 Pacific NPSL #90 Dan Stebbins

Dan Stebbins and I attended the same high school in Milwaukee, but not at the same time.  We played the same sport, and we were once captains of the same team, me in 1996 and Stebbins about ten years before that.  He actually took his squad to the state championship playoff one year, a monumental achievement for an inner-city Milwaukee school.

 

If you're a soccer fan, you'd probably have to live in Milwaukee to have heard of him, but there may be some in the Miami area who remember Dan.  He played for a number of teams in this area, including the indoor Wave, and the outdoor Rampage, whom he helped to an A-League championship in 1997.  The year after that he got a nice long look in MLS with the expansion Miami Fusion.  He scored six goals that year, but was released after the season ended.  The Fusion, too, were not long for the league, getting contracted immediately after their 2001 Supporters' Shield-winning campaign.  Miami would not see another top-flight team until this past MLS season, with Inter Miami CF making their debut.

 

He may not be a household name, but I think it's pretty cool to have once captained the same team as a professional athlete.
 

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 19

 December 19, 2020:

1989 Pro Set #334 Niko Noga

Well, we made it to the point in December when we start playing Saturday NFL games.  Allow me a moment to connect the card above to the late-'80s toy phenomenon known as Micro Machines.

I had a friend around the time this set was released who had a pretty sizable Micro Machines collection.  I myself was never much into them; I probably only had one four-pack of Indy cars and that was more than enough.  But this kid had all kinds of stuff, including a slew of those little playsets that were interconnectable.  If I remember correctly, these were little squares about 6 inches on each side, and each one was a different part of a community.  You could connect the car wash to the dump to the parking garage and so on.  My friend must have had at least twenty of these, all assembled together to make an entire city.  When I would go to his house, we would play pretty much nothing but sports, but those things were always there in his bedroom.

Anyway, one day at school he starts talking about something, and somehow brings up that there's a little spider making his home in the Micro Machines village.  Probably a daddy longlegs, I'm guessing.  But here's the kicker: He named the spider.  Better than that, he named it Niko.  After Niko Noga.  I don't know what made him do this, but it was likely connected to collecting cards and seeing this guy with the funny name.  I do know that Noga also had a sticker in the 1989 Panini album, which a bunch of the guys in my class were also collecting.

So, we salute you, Niko Noka, wherever you are.  I hope you were able to become an underwater welder after your football career was over, like it says you wanted to do on the back of this card.  If not, maybe you could try to go for a run in the WWE as part of a Roman Reigns storyline.

 

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 18

December 18, 2020:

1991 Brockum RockCards #42 Angus Young

Biggest balls of them all, indeed.

 

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 17

December 17, 2020:

1981 Donruss #201 Rick Waits

Rick Waits.

Rick Waits for you down in the basement.

 

Rick Waits for you under your bed.

Rick Waits for you just when you've let down your guard.

Rick Waits 'hind your favorite sled.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rick Waits for you out in the workshop.

Rick Waits for you by the old oak.

Rick Waits and he thinks about what he might do.

Rick Waits while you're out for a smoke.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rick Waits for you in the gazebo.

Rick Waits for you down by the dock.

Rick Waits where you might never ever suspect him.

Oh my goodness, he's holding his-!

Rick Waits.

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 16

 December 16, 2020:

2005 Inkworks Alias #P1 Season 4 Promo Card

The list will be embarrassingly long once all is said and done, but boy, did I lean in hard to watching TV this year.  My movie watching output was equal to that of a standard year, but once Coronavirus hit, I was Captain Television.  Most of what I watched was whatever was available on Amazon Prime.  I have access to most of the major streaming services, minus HBO, but for whatever reason, Amazon is my fallback option.  I watch the stupidest shit on there.  You say there's a show that was originally just YouTube clips that a middle-aged British guy made to document his navigation of a narrowboat through the canals of the English countryside?  Sign me up!  Or how about a middling police procedural set in Melbourne, Australia?  Let's go!  Two thirty-ish Latino dudes go to flea markets and try to acquire Mario lunchboxes and Sega Master System games and shit?  Hook it up to my veins!

The one show I may have leaned into the hardest, though, was ABC's Alias.  I had watched the first season a couple of years ago, and being home with nothing to do this spring was the perfect impetus to jump back into the series.  Over time, I acquired the rest of the DVD sets (all five seasons), and made my way through seasons 2-4.  In the middle of my binge, Amazon actually acquired the rights to stream Alias on Prime, but I stuck with the discs.  Season 5 may have to wait until Christmas Break, but I look forward to a satisfying conclusion.

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 15

 December 15, 2020:

1993 Topps #617 Craig Lefferts

Man, I don't know.  I don't think I've ever seen a guy on a card looking like he's this eager to tell you about his model train set-up.  

Don't make eye contact, and if you do, don't accept his invite.  You'd learn more about Lionel in those four hours than any normal man could bear.  Careful.

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 14

 December 14, 2020:

1975 Topps Good Times #4

This card has a lot of fresh ideas on it that today's card companies could learn from:

-Mild cursing

-Speech balloons

-People getting put in their place

-John Amos's majestic sides

 

Seriously, though, wouldn't it be fun to be able to collect a sports card set that makes light of the conflict that exists on the playing field?  Call it Topps Trash Talk, a 180-card multi-sport set where each card has a funny cartoon version of an on-field controversy from the previous season.  Picture it: 

-LeBron stepping over Draymond during the 2016 Finals - "How do these nuts taste?"

-Kawhi's buzzer-beater against the Sixers - "I called four bounces. HORSE!"

-2012 NL Wild Card Braves/Cardinals Infield Fly Botch - "What the FUCK?!?!?!?!"

 

The list could go on and on.  I mean, yeah, each year 10% of the cards in each set would be making fun of Kirk Cousins, but we have to go in expecting that.  Sign me up to oversee this project, Topps/Panini/Whoever.

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 13

 December 13, 2020:

2013 Topps Best of WWE Top Ten Trash Talkers #9 Paul Heyman

A list where Paul Heyman is rated ninth on anything involving speaking is automatically suspect.  I get it, there's a distance between those producing the cards, their subjects, and the collectors, but this is a travesty.

One of the highlights of WWE programming over the past several sparse months has been the assumption of Heyman as the advocate/manager for Roman Reigns during Roman's heel turn.  He certainly doesn't speak as much as when he played the role next to Brock, but he communicates more with a look than most guys in the company can do with five minutes and a microphone.  He looks as if he is studying Roman, equal parts in awe of him, curious as to what he'll do next, and downright afraid of what he might do.  He should be at the top of any list of this sort, hands down.

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 12

 December 12, 2020:

1998 Bowman Chrome #414 Juan LeBron International Refractor

Proof that a LeBron refractor isn't always something to get excited about.

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 11

December 11, 2020:

1974-75 O-Pee-Chee #105 Denis Dupere

"Okay, Denis, you've been wonderful today, just a couple more shots and we're done.  Your card is going to look fantastic this year.  You can toss your stick over there, we just need a couple of candids.

How about this?  Try looking up and to your left, kind of like you saw a pretty girl in the crowd who was chanting your name as the team is leaving the ice.

Great, just great.

Now look off to your right, but keep your nose pointed directly at the camera."

 

(Aside: Mon dieu!)

 

"Ummmm, maybe not to the extreme right, maybe dial it back to slightly right of center.

Yes, that's looking pretty... ummmmm...

Let's try way to the right again."

 

(Whispering to self: How the nose is at 6 o'clock, the left eye is pointed at 7 o'clock, and the right is at ten, I'll never know.)

 

"Okay, just a few more, looking great Denis.  Aaaaaaaand we're done."

 

(Yeesh, remind me to get booked on the Canadian tour next season.) 

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 10

December 10, 2020:

1966 Topps Green Hornet #31

 Wear as mask, folks, it's getting worse out there by the day.  The Green Hornet wore a mask.  By today's standards he's not quite there, but no worse than about half of the current population.

There, that's better.

Imagine being told a year ago that about a dozen masks would be a part of every load of laundry you do.  Just unbelievable times we're living in.

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 9

December 9, 2020:

1998 Fleer Sports Illustrated World Series Fever #10 Reggie Jackson

How many World Series in a row do you need?  Four?  Five?  Ten?  How many do you need???
 

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 8

 December 8, 2020:

2009 Topps American Heritage #55 Barbara Rose Johns

This is one of the lesser-known civil rights leaders Topps decided to include in this set, so we should look at the back of this card as well.  Please take a minute to read.

 

Very brave for 16.  It's the bravery of today's generation of teenagers that will change the world.  I see friends post about their teenage children going to protests and marching for a variety of causes.  They're so far ahead of where my age group was 25 years ago that it's not even funny.  We have the late Ms. Johns and her contemporaries to salute for this.

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 7

 December 7, 2020:

1959 Topps #202 Roger Maris

You've got to admire the pluck of whatever kid used this card as his canvas.  Our man from Fargo was traded from Kansas City to the Yankees in kind of a blockbuster deal on December 11, 1959.  Topps was on top of things and already had Maris as a Yankee on his 1960 card, delicately posed and airbrushed to change him from an Athletic into a Bronx Bomber.  This kid couldn't wait, though.  He got to work in the off season and made the transaction come to life.  The eraser work is generally competent, but that logo in the corner needs some improvement.  I can't really make out a top hat from that mess.

 

One final detail is included on the back of the card.  Not content to merely reflect the trade that took Roger to the Big Apple, the kid decided to eliminate his entire identity.  You are no longer Roger Maris.  You simply cease to exist.

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 6

 December 6, 2020:

2016 Topps Apex MLS #CJR-DC Diego Chara Jumbo Jersey (72/89)

Today marks the fifth anniversary of the Portland Timbers' MLS Cup victory.  As a striker by trade, my favorite player on that team was Fanendo Adi.  Since Adi's departure, though, Chara has helped my heart grow three sizes.  I love everything about this player.  There's nobody on the team who fills me with confidence when he has the ball like Diego does.  There were a few years where I played sweeper for my club team, and I remember one game where I had a bunch of crucial clearances, and my goalie whispered to me, "Thanks for taking away the people that scare me."  That's exactly what Chara does.  He takes away the people that scare me.

Things have changed quite a bit since the Timbers raised the Cup.  New coach.  Stadium expansion.  We lost another Cup a few years later, but went on a run this summer to win the MLS is Back Tournament, a cup win of sorts.  Even Diego's brother Yimmi joined the team this season.  But Chara is always right where you want him to be, the straw that stirs Portland's drink.  Here's to renewed success in 2021, and deep runs in the CCL and MLS Playoffs.

2020 Card-vent Calendar: December 5

 December 5, 2020:

1973 Topps #656 John Ellis

This afternoon I had to make a quick trip to the grocery store.  On the drive home, there was an incident.  Let me paint you a picture.

I approached a moderately busy intersection and had to stop at a red light.  I was first in line and I signaled that I was making a left turn (heading north).  When the light turned green, a car moving in the opposite direction (west), which had not had to stop at the light, because it was then too far away, made it to the edge of the intersection and turned on its signal that it was making a left turn.  This doesn't happen too often, since the southbound lane here soon becomes a dead end.  I was not prepared to immediately make my turn because the oncoming car had waited a little bit to signal the left turn.  No big deal, right?

Well, apparently my split second of hesitation before making a safe left turn was just too much for some asshole.  That asshole would be the person in the car immediately behind me.  This person also wanted to make a left turn, and waiting an extra 0.37 seconds wasn't an option.  So, as I was ready to proceed into my turn, asshole darts out from behind me and makes the turn ahead of me on my left side, putting everyone in the intersection in danger.*  I was lucky enough to see him in my mirror, so I stopped before turning and let the asshole go ahead.

What does all of this have to do with card?  Well, it looks like John Ellis is in the middle of a pretty god argument with the umpire.  (There should be more cards like this, by the way.  Some managers look kind of pissed off on their cards, but that's about it.)  Would it have felt good to chase asshole down and give him a piece of my mind at the next intersection?  Of course it would have, but that's not my style.  Such an altercation would have likely done more harm than good.  Let's all be cool with each other and keep our distance from the total pieces of shit that walk among us.  (Giving an umpire the occasional earful is okay, though.)

*Seriously, how fucking stupid does someone have to be to pull a move like this?  Just a complete piece of trash.  A garbage human.